I was talking to a lovely woman a few days ago who was convinced she couldn’t spot a ‘real man’ if he was sitting right in front of her. She had a proven track record of attracting men who couldn’t pull their weight financially or emotionally. He just couldn’t see the signs. She is not alone. So here’s a cheat sheet for being able to identify a real-life grown-up balanced man. Once you know the signs, you will be able to spot them and realize that they are not an endangered species after all.
He will do what he can to make her happy and keep her that way. It is organic for men. They are protectors and suppliers. I know it looks out of date. I realized that old-fashioned genre roles don’t always fit into our society now. However, a balanced, healthy, grown man will still do everything in his power to ensure that his woman is happy, even if she is the breadwinner and he is a dad at home.
By stating the obvious, a grown man is not looking for a mom. Yes, of course, people who are in relationships do things for each other. They take care of each other as an act of love. However, a real man who deserves your time is happy to do laundry and keep track of his bank balance. A grown man is not looking for a maid, a nanny, or a cook. He’s looking for a woman who sets his soul on fire and makes him want to be better for her every day.
A grown man does not relive his glory days forever. He could wear his college shirt and watch the football game on Saturday afternoon. He might even go out with his college friends. However, he also focuses on his personal development. It grows and learns. A grown man keeps an eye on the future. Men are builders by nature. A healthy man has the instinct to create something for himself and his family. It will stretch to build and evolve.
He is not indulging in his addiction. He doesn’t play with fire. He might have a drink or two, but he’s not a drunk. He probably extracts a handful of vitamins, but he’s not popping the pills. He loves seeing a beautiful woman, but he doesn’t hide from his life through porn. A grown man is not a drug addict. This does not mean that he has never had an addiction. It simply means that he chooses to be sober and lives his life feeling his emotions. He doesn’t need to go numb to get through the day.
Sure, he gets angry. We all do. However, his anger never leaves his partner scared, abused, or harmed. A balanced man can own his feelings. He can express them, even the ugly ones with love and consideration. A grown man can talk and will talk. He may not speak on command if he is not ready, but he will
A balanced man doesn’t leave you wondering if he’s into you. He will show you with his actions that he is in you. He can talk about the future and include you in that. He says the right things and, above all, does the right things.
A man in good health will not avoid or abandon conversations about your relationship. In fact, it could instigate them. He knows himself well enough to speak maturely about the pace of relationships and timing. He never leaves you wondering how he feels because he shows you how he feels and can talk to you.
He is generous with his time and does not play with money. It doesn’t make you feel guilty for paying for dinner and it doesn’t make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with him. However, the thing to know is that he is generous to everyone. You may not have all of his time and attention. But it never leaves you hungry or makes you feel needy.
He has relationships with friends and family that have stood the test of time. He may not be close to all of his family members. However, he will have relationships that have a history. There are people in his life who love him. There are people in his life who are protective of him. You want a man who has people in his life who will want to control you and they accept you with open arms.
It is not possessive. It doesn’t need to own you. He wants you to have a life and doesn’t want to oversee it. A healthy man does not look at you sideways when you are talking to another man. She doesn’t get mad when you go out with your friends, even if you’re late. Won’t go crazy if your ex emails or calls. A grown man does not isolate you. It encourages you to have a life and supports your relationships with other people, be they male or female.
Regrets when the plumbing needs to be repaired. He will come to your sister’s wedding with you and sit next to you at your grandmother’s funeral. It doesn’t run for the hills when you are PMSing. You would never be ashamed of being emotional. In fact, she secretly loves it. He will laugh with you and hug you when you cry for no reason. It does not judge. It just shows up. This is a man who doesn’t go out when the going gets tough. It shows up and shines. It takes responsibility if you need it or takes a back seat and argues if that’s what it takes.