It’s the new year and it is time to turn over a new leaf. Once that hangover wears off and the ink has dried on those resolutions where will you be? I’ll tell you where, right back on the couch playing all the games you had no time for over the holidays. Before you’re done with even half of the latest titles your resolutions will be dusty and forgotten.

But wait, it doesn’t have to be that way. My suggestion to you is this: before you draw up those resolutions think long and hard about the realities of life. You’ll get nowhere with wild, unattainable goals like, “I’m going to beat Battletoads without dying five times in a row.” I’m not saying that can’t be your goal, but you should start with a confidence booster, something you know you can do. For example, my number one resolution is to finish Fable II, my enjoyment of which was rudely interrupted by holiday travel. Not only do I know I can do this, but I will enjoy doing it.

After that, you are free to hit all the old standbys, but be realistic. If your couch has an indentation matching the contours of your body, you’re probably not ready for a gym membership. There are many exercises you can do at home that will help you prepare for such drastic a step. Start out light, do some pushups, sit-ups, and jumping jacks. You may not look cool doing it, but hey, Bruce Lee did jumping jacks and he could still kick your ass after being dead for 35 years. I know, however, this might be asking a lot of some people. If the thought of doing a pushup causes you to break a sweat, we can start smaller. Start with some rehabilitation exercises that are meant to rebuild atrophied muscle in people with serious injuries. Wrap some rubber bands around you fingers and try to spread them apart. Or, from a sitting position try standing up, good, now sit down, excellent. Feel the burn!

A few weeks of this and the renewed blood flow to your brain will have you feeling like a genius. Your confidence will be soaring and you’ll be able to tackle any challenge. Just don’t languish on your lofty perch. Invite some people over and decimate them with your renewed brainpower and lighting quick reaction time. Your skills will be perfect for some FPS action, maybe some fighting games as well. Just don’t stop there, showcase your hard won dexterity in a ping-pong tournament. Nothing says “I’m better than you” like beating your friends in a no-contact sport that requires minimal exertion. So go ahead, join that gym, go for that promotion, carpe that diem. Do it. Now.

-Matt Frank

Tags: Battletoads, Bruce Lee, Fable II

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