It’s Valentine’s Day and who the hell cares?! If you didn’t have plans this Valentine’s Day, it’s probably pretty old hearing about so many storybook romances… To be quite honest, love stinks! Even in video games! Here are the most tragic, saddest or just lamest romances of gaming.

Be warned that pretty much everything on this list is a huge spoiler… we’re talking endings, so beware!

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SPOILERS AHEAD

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Tim and the Princess - Braid

Regardless of what theory about the meaning of Braid you subscribe to, it’s pretty obvious that this is no simple love story. Tim goes through quite a bit, speaking of a mistake he’s made and wishes he could undo, setting you up for some interesting time manipulation gameplay. However, at the end of the game you realize that things between Tim and the Princess were not quite what they seemed.

Edward and Anna - Final Fantasy IV

The tale of Edward and Anna, one of the earliest tragic romances in gaming, follows somewhat of a cliché plot. Anna and Edward are in love, her father disapproves, the young couple runs away together and then tragedy strikes. She saved his life and gave up her own.

James And Mary Sutherland - Silent Hill 2

Nobody does tragedy quite like a Silent Hill game. We don’t really have to tell you what happens to poor James and Mary, but you can be sure that it’s not good and involves crazy monsters.

Jenny from The Darkness

There are few scenes in video gaming history as dark as when Jenny dies in The Darkness. Throughout the game you interact with her as Jackie, the main character in a very believable way… if you wait long enough she even falls asleep on you watching TV. Unlike a lot of video game romances their interactions are subtle and genuine which makes her extremely graphic death even more devastating. As the player you genuinely feel helpless and angry as you watch.

Tommy and Jen - Prey

Another girlfriend named Jen and another chick that turns into a hideous monster… not that you would expect a lot of originality from a game with a Native American main character named Tommy Hawk. Even still, after being separated from the beginning and looking for her throughout the whole game, it’s pretty disturbing when you think you’re FINALLY going to save her and she’s just a confused torso attached to a horrible monster that’s attacking you. What’s even more disturbing, she screams throughout the whole fight for you to help her, but at the end she begs you to kill her.

Shadow of the Colossus

Wouldn’t you do anything to revive your true love? Okay, maybe not, but doesn’t that make for a great romantic video game plot? In Shadow of the Colossus the main character, lead by a dark voice, faces Colossi (is that a word?) to unlock the power to save her… In the end he succeeds, but of course at a cost and not without betrayal.

Locke and Rachel - Final Fantasy VI

Throughout Final Fantasy VI you get the feeling that Locke has some issues with women… he wants to protect everyone. Eventually you realized that his desire doesn’t stem from years of watching Disney movies, but some tragic even in his past. Locke’s lover Rachel loses her memory in an accident while trying to save him from falling. He leaves her alone to respect her parent’s wishes. but of course the sad tale does not end there. He later learns that she was attacked, and right before falling into a coma she regains her memory and called for Locke. He spends his life searching for a way to revive her from her coma. When he FINALLY finds the relic he’s looking for and revives her she dies moments later.

Ashley and Leon - Resident Evil 4

Throughout Resident Evil 4 it’s easy to come to hate Ashley Graham. She’s whiny, stuck up and has an incredibly annoying voice. The school girl outfit starts off as the only likeable aspect of the character, but after a few hours, even that wears off. As the viewer you start to dread the inevitable exploration of a romantic relationship between the heroic rescuer and the annoying bratty princess and so it’s not surprise when Ashley invites Leon to her place for “some overtime” at the end of the game. Luckily, Leon rejects her and poor little Ashley has to go back to her uneventful life as the President’s daughter alone (and still probably a virgin).

Mario and Peach

Mario and Peach can be seen at the top of some other “Best Couples in Gaming” lists so you may be asking yourself why they’ve made our Anti-Valentine’s Day list… The answer is simple: The princess is in another castle. Seriously, Mario fights all kinds of crazy dinosaurs, takes a variety of drugs and for what? Some little midget in a vest? Whatever.

-Jenni Chasteen

Tags: Braid, Final Fantasy, love, Mario, Prey, relationships, Resident Evil, Shadow of the Colossus, The Darkness

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