Yes, I have a vagina and I play on XBox Live. No, I’m not going to show it to you.
“My vagina is angry.” Ok, so maybe angry isn’t the right word, but I am astounded by the treatment of females in the xbox gamer community. Within two weeks of being an Xbox Live member, I’ve been treated like a stripper, cam whore, bitch, cow, and somehow the “coolest chick on XBL.” Am I missing something here?
Over the years guys have learned how to treat women better in the home and the work place, so why does it all have to go to shit when they hop on Xbox Live? I know I’m not looking for special treatment when gaming, I just don’t want to feel like a target or 2nd class citizen, and I’m sure other chicks can relate. I don’t think you’re going to boot or harass every guy you don’t think is attractive from a game, so why get superficial over chicks?
I guess the best way to explain it is to give a glimpse into my world.
I enter an UNO game and instantly hear, “Hey look it’s a fat bitch,” followed by “Hey fat cow show us your panties.” Chill as I am I laugh it off, some people are perverts, oh well. Then I’m booted from the game. I’m not sure why I couldn’t stay and play. Was it because I’m a “fat bitch” or because this “fat cow” didn’t swoon and immediately drop trow to show off some undies?
Attitude like this is often followed up by quite a different reaction. I’ve joined games to hear “Oh my god it’s a girl!” Yea oh wow, it’s so fucking amazing! It’s like I hear Steve Irwin in my head, “Now look at this creature outside her natural habitat. These females seem to be infiltrating the male dominion. Watch as the males strike back aggressively as they are dumbfounded and perplexed by this phenomenon.” Reactions of this nature seem to be followed up by cheap compliments, crappy pick up lines stolen from popular television, and the occasional begging to see some flesh.
I asked some guys why they treat girls so differently, and I was surprised by the behavior of some gaming girls as well. Apparently there many needy girls looking to take advantage of the fact that their sex will get them some gaming world attention. One player explained to me how a girl would leave his game every time the guys stopped paying attention to her, only to come back a few minutes later saying that that was her reasoning for leaving. To any chicks like this: Please find a better means for getting attention than from perverts and mouthy brats on XBL. Better yet, consider why that is the type of attention you think would satisfy your needs…it’ll help in the long run.
Hopping back over, this is my word to all you guys…chill! I personally think a chick that’s gaming instantly gains a few cool points, so why screw with a decent chick? I doubt you’d do the same in person, so why does XBL have to be any different? I bet if you cut the crap you’d realize chicks can be hilarious too. Not every chick is looking for attention, in fact most play because the like the game! Hell if I just got treated like “one of the boys,” I’d be more impressed than hearing about my sweet ass and tits. Just think about it.
[Update 1]I know some of you have been wondering what I look like. Even though it’s completely irrelevant, here ya go kids.
-SARAH TOMESKY
December 10th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
can i see it? pweaseeeeeeeeeee!
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December 10th, 2006 at 10:24 pm
ahh, well not all guys act like that (i wouldent at least) just try and build up your friends list and hang out with them
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December 10th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
While I’ve never played on XBL, it’s probably not too dissimilar from Battle.net and other online communities of that nature. Basically, the vast majority of those populations are about as immature as toddlers (not to insult the real toddlers out there). Not that everyone on such services are immature, but my observations lead me to believe that immaturity is the rule, rather than the exception to.
I’m hoping this gender disparity in gaming will slowly smooth itself out, especially with gaming companies working to appeal to the girl gamer more and more now (I’m looking mainly at Nintendo here). But fixing Battle.net and XBL and the like? Good luck
p.s., routed here via OKC.
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December 10th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
Thats pretty sad. Gamers sometimes fall into the “nerd” category which makes them act differently around members of the opposite sex. Your analogy to Steve Irwin wouldn’t be too far off…
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December 10th, 2006 at 10:59 pm
Sarah, what you have to realize is that some guys are just obnoxious and completely immature. Secondly, guys in general can just be rude. Third, Yes, being a female gamer, and actually knowing what’s going on does gain points. And the reason why guys act that way on XBL is because they can, no other reason, it’s a safe haven, much like the general interweb is a safe haven.
That’s just my thought…
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December 10th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
Wayne, I understand basically why it happens. I just thought that it was something worth pointing out. If one person just thinks before they say something obnoxious after reading this it’s worth putting it out there.
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December 10th, 2006 at 11:15 pm
I haven’t been on XBL since the first two nights I had my 360. The few games of Need for Speed I attempted to play turned out to be a horrible experience. First, the guys I was playing with refused to believe that a girl was playing. Second, they did nothing but mouth off and toss insults. To me, it didn’t seem like a worthwhile experience. I’ve stuck to live arcade games and the few games I know my friends are playing. I’ve gone so far as to put the headset away in my closet as I have no want to talk to any of these jerks again.
Being as though I actually make Xbox games as a job, I should be able to deal with this crap, but its just plain rediculous.
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December 10th, 2006 at 11:54 pm
hey sarah, my wife games with me all the time on live. at first she had a similar problem, that is, until she put a few frags up their asses! if u beat ‘em at their own game, they will have no choice but to respect you. also you may want to try a few ranked matches in stead of player matches. the people seem more mature( at least thats what we’ve discovered) good luck!
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December 11th, 2006 at 12:02 am
As long as women sexually select the most ruthless and uncivilized members of male society, and therefore propagate their behaviors and genes to succeeding generations, the world will be fucked up.
Quit fucking assholes. Until your gender stops doing this/them, shut the fuck up.
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December 11th, 2006 at 12:09 am
if you go on xbox live, it doesnt matter who or what you are, you are going to get ripped apart. live is the only place where people can talk smack without reprecussions so who cares. everybody gets booted for no reason too, its not because you are a fat cow (you said it not me). my advice to you is to stop being so sensitive and get back out there and talk smack right back. its so much more fun that way.
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December 11th, 2006 at 12:16 am
Woah buddy. No one can control their whole gender, so I’m not going to shut up and take crap for what other women do. Thanks.
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December 11th, 2006 at 12:16 am
first of all stop being a baby. everybody gets ripped on for something or other on live but you seem to be the only one bitching about it. for you it just happens to be that youre a chick.
everybody gets booted for no reason from time to time, its not just because you’re a fat cow (you said it, not me). live is the only place where people can go and talk smack with no reprecussions. people take advantage of that. thats the nature of the game. if you dont like it then dont play it.
my advice to you is to stop being so sensitive and prude and talk smack right back. it makes it so mch more fun for everybody.
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December 11th, 2006 at 12:41 am
I linked your article. It’s a shame that most gamers are that immature and lame. I hope your online gaming gets more pleasant. Have you considered trying a Nintendo DS Lite?
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December 11th, 2006 at 2:03 am
I, I love you Sarah. Do you need a hug? Can I get a hug?
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December 11th, 2006 at 2:08 am
quit bitchin. if youre gonna play on xbox live you need to grow a pair.
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December 11th, 2006 at 2:15 am
I’m a British guy which means I automatically get labelled a “British fag”, or something similar on Live. It just highlights how little the gaming industry has grown up. I only play online with mates these days so it’s a much nicer experience.
At least you have a way to stop it, make a new profile saying you’re a 12yr old boy. No more girly insults. You’ll just be called a fag instead though, mind.
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December 11th, 2006 at 3:38 am
Hey Soong, that’s kind of funny becayse Mike (the editor) is always saying he prefers to play really late at night because there are no immature little kids and lots of British gusy online and they’re more fun to play with because they’re not jerks. ^^’
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December 11th, 2006 at 5:38 am
Heh. He said, “mates.”
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:26 am
Wanna fuck?
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:34 am
# constance eustace Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 12:02 am
“Quit fucking assholes. Until your gender stops doing this/them, shut the fuck up.”
Constance, you don’t get it.
And for online communities like XBL : It is just people that don’t get it. Take it easy, chill as you usually do and get yourself some buddies in the list that don’t fall into the nerdy virgin with attitude category.
But I would soooo kick your ass on Tekken!
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:51 am
Sorry to hear this. There are numerous assholes on LIVE, but please don’t let that deter you. We all go through this hazing from these dicks: I get told about my mother’s supposed promiscuous habits, my own sexual preferences, and how much I suck/cheat at a game. Just use the player review feature and keep on gaming.
And to the Brit, yeah mate, sorry to hear about the whole ‘Brit=teh Gayzor’ thing.
I run with some really cool people on LIVE, we are all married, and we work closely with women, so if you want, hit me up for an FR. We would be glad to frag ya, regardless of the vagina thing.
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December 11th, 2006 at 9:21 am
Unfortunatly, its a trend in internet gaming. When you Play WoW/Xbox live/MMOFPS/Anything online, you generally get a group of shutins who live on these games along with the mostly normal people.
Guys who wouldnt even -ask- the time of day from a girl, much less have a chance at getting it are all of a sudden required to interact with one. Years of Pornography abuse have given them little other to say then “Hey, fatty, lemme see your ass”.
On the flipside though, some of these girls who play MMO anything are friggin psycho’s. Not to say that men arent (hoooo boy are they), but when you meet, lets say, 1,000 guys and 50 are psychotic, you brush it off. When you meet 100 girls and 50 are psychotic, it builds a negative stereotype.
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December 11th, 2006 at 9:22 am
1. They’re hostile because you’ve trod on their male-only turf. They’d gotten comfortable and were happily calling each other ‘fag’ until you came in and they didn’t know how to act.
2. They can’t imagine any girl playing those games, you must be some reject.
3. They’re anonymous so they can let out their worst.
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December 11th, 2006 at 9:58 am
I’m sorry to hear this. I’ve been avoiding using XBL with random people because it just seems like I’m going to run across tons of $#%@!. I’ve run into enough of them even as a guy. As a girl, it must be absolute torture as you’re the center of attention. A Jerk magnet, if you will
I don’t know what to tell you accept keep online and remain low key when you first join a server. Also, try to join a mature gaming group if you don’t have one. We need to bolster the female numbers not chase them away. The more females on XBL the less surprised the males will be.
As self-elected representative of the Y-Chromosome group, I apologize for those hooligans.
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December 11th, 2006 at 11:05 am
stop being a dumb bitch and man up. fucking babies. p.s. those british guys are fags
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December 11th, 2006 at 11:07 am
stop being such a bitch and brow a pair. you are all fucking babies. p.s. those british guys are such fags.
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December 11th, 2006 at 11:34 am
While I applaud your idea, some of these other replies are right on. YOUR gender doesn’t want kind, sensible men. We’re taught to act like assholes. It seems you are preaching to the choir. It’s got nothing to do with gaming or XBL. Head your local pub, men acting like assholes are the norm and ALWAYS get more attention from the ladies!
I mean, mebbe you should put together a diatribe like toe one above that addresses females and their ability to select the biggest assholes possible. Yeah the “nerdy boys” get jealous and often use teh interwebs to release their frustrations on the first female gamer they see.
That being said, there is no reason for it and I don’t endorse acting like an asshole. Again it’s got nothing to do with gaming, it’s how we are trained! So if you desire change… talk to your fellow females!
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December 11th, 2006 at 11:49 am
everybody talks shit on live and everybody gets ripped on for something or other. you’re not special. the fact that you claim to be a woman just gives everyone more to make fun of you about even though there’s obviously a deep well of material already there. if you dont like people making fun of you then stop playing xbox live. why dont you stop being so sensitive and talk shit right back (crying about it helps nobody) and make it more fun for all of us.
everybody gets booted from games for no reason, it’s not just because you’re a fat cow (your words not mine).
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December 11th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
You enter a world of 13 year old zit faced, smack talking geek boys and wonder why they’re treating you like a piece of meat or a second class citizen?
Am I the only one who wonders where your sanity went?
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December 11th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
I can’t seem to do much about the attitudes of a lot of dudes on XBL, (though definitely send bad feedback on ANYBODY who violates the Code of Conduct), but I’d like to invite you to check out GamerchiX. It’s not a clan nor a marketing juggernaut. It’s just a group for women and girls that like video games. There are 790 of us in 18 countries. None of them want to see your boobies (well, at least they wouldn’t ASK to see them), and NO ONE will insult you. If you want to know more about it, check out http://www.xbox.com/gamerchix.
-TriXie
Xbox.com Community Editor
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December 11th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
Donotcare
I do talk shit right back. I’m not being oversensitive I’m just pointing something out. I like that every male that needed to attack me on here did use typical female stereotypes. I’m “oversensitive” and “crying.” And my gender, every last one of us encourages ass holes. Way to turn it around and point a finger at someone just making an observation.
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December 11th, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Trixie,
I applaud gamerchix. It’s a great idea, and I’ve passed it on to every girl gamer I know.
However, I also feel that Sarah, or any other woman for that matter, should be able to play a game and get the same treatment everyone else does. Yes, smack talk is a part of gaming on and off of xbl. Prejudice and discriminatory behavior should NOT be a part of gaming at all anywhere. There’s a biiiig difference between
“HA, kicked your ass!”
“shut up bitch”
and
“come on fat cow, show me your tits”
“no”
**boots girl from game**
The second scenario crosses a line that in this day and age should be unacceptable.
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December 11th, 2006 at 4:41 pm
Thanks for the suggestion Trixie.
I agree whole heartedly with Mike that there is a difference between yelling and swearing in the heat of an intense game and sexual harassment. I swear and scream when I play games too… that’s not exclusive behavior to males. I even don’t care if guys joke a little bit with me about being a girl… as long as it’s joking. And I know Sarah feels the same way. And yes, some people will never change, but that doesn’t make it cool.
As far as the comments about girls liking guys who are jerks… you can’t blame the whole gender for some stupid girls with low self esteem… just like we don’t blame all males for some ignorant perverts. It’s not a gender issue in the sense that ALL males treat ALL females a certain way or vice versa. The girl who demands attention is just as bad as the guy who demands to see some skin in my opinion.
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December 11th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
sarah you’re not making an observation, you’re bitching, something you women are all so good at (proof that sterotypes are true and should be enforced).
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Donotcare,
She’s not bitching, she’s opening a dialogue. She’s not proving any stereotypes, but relaying her own experience. Relax.
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
How do all these other gamers know that you are female? Is it necessary for them to know?
In order to be treated like “one of the boys”, why not use a boy’s name?
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Jimbo,
I think the point of the article is that whether they be boy or girl, a gamer is a gamer, and the discriminatory attitude is uncalled for. She just wants to play some games, and not be treated any differently because she happens to be female.
“but she isn’t being treated differently, people are just ripping on her” if that’s how you feel, go up five comments and read the last thing I wrote here.
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
No no no, wait - I meant to say:
Wow, that must be really frustrating.
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December 11th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
Jimbo,
The reason they know she’s a girl is because she uses her headset, and sometimes her camera. I see what you’re saying though.
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December 12th, 2006 at 12:46 pm
As you can clearly see here, there’s a pretty diverse group that make up XBL just like you’d find in other activities (maybe a little more immature in the gaming scene since people are in their own “protected” environment at home instead of, say, out on a basketball court where they could get punched in the nose)…
My suggestion would be to change zones in your XBL profile to Professional or (gasp) Family instead of Underground. I play in Pro zone and the people I generally match up with are more about the game and less about the smack talk. Nothing against the Underground crowd - hey, whatever floats their boats - but for me I’d rather have a teammate setting up their next snipe than talking about how they “PWND THAT DUDE!” or trying to socialize with girls for the first time.
IF you’re in a zone other than Underground, you can file a complaint against someone who’s inappropriate for the zone you’re in. DO IT! It’s the only way MS will know who’s ruining the expierience. If you want to play in the Underground zone, you’re asking for this kind of smack talk…
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December 12th, 2006 at 8:06 pm
The “fat cow” got me wondering if they had any reason to use that term, but thanks to the wonders of Crackbook, I can say with reasonable confidence that they were full of crap. Not sure on the exact reason they used that particular term, but it ether has to do with how truly immature they really and they know that that term would be effective against just about any female.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this in just about all online community that are almost excursively male. It’s such a shock to see a girl there that some of the members just freak out (or show there immature nature). Compounding the situation, a good number of the girls that do stumble into those situations tend to play along just making it worse the next time. For instance on one forum a girl was trying to sell her paintball gun, and happened to be fairly attractive. So what did she do? Pose in pictures pretty much necked just covered by the stuff she was trying to sell. It worked quite well (she got a lot more then she would have other wise), but didn’t help the way the members of that forum treated females
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December 12th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
So, well I don’t play on XBF, I don’t have it.
Basically I found this article through a friend from a very open minded community that is into social psychology and dynamics.
Most are spot on here about a male domain and people being socially retarded.
But what is more interesting is that it is a learnable thing.
And the more you learn, you know why men that “supposedly” act like assholes are actually really good buddies and the best I could wish for girls.
The world has been strongly feminized and the guys on XBL are not acting like assholes, they are just TOTALLY socially retarded because people do not pay attention to them in the real life and they are anxious to leave the boundaries of their games where they are safe from social and especially female rejection.
Having learnt to what kind of behavior react in which ways (And yes, they ARE pretty universal, even if every girl is very different from another, there are in the end more commonalities than most would like to admit
) I can just say, take it easy, and just give it right back to them. Once they get hit harder than they expected and see you don’t care they will have lost their cause, aka defending their territory against alien invader, and therefore yield.
-Frank
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December 12th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Walter Hooper,
Although Sarah’s appearance is kind of irrelevant to the article I will say that she’s not fat, nor is she ugly. I was REALLY suprised the first time she told me that someone called her that on XBL. My take on it is that these boys have never seen what a real woman looks like. I should ask her to check their gamer tags and see if they play DOA Extreme 2…
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December 13th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
[ ] TITS
[ ] GTFO
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December 14th, 2006 at 5:37 am
Hi there and “Thanks” for this article. I´m from Germany and keep getting called a Nazi from time to time. I just ignore guys like those because there are also some really nice gamers out there that I wouldn´t have met if I had quit playing live. And as someone said before: Beat em up! Works great.
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December 14th, 2006 at 7:44 am
I love you Tray
When I come home from China and Shaolin, people will say the same about me.
Socially retarded people are everywhere, but someplaces, like the net, just magically attract them.
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December 15th, 2006 at 9:13 am
[...] And yes, that is me in the photo…for couple thousand of youwho were wondering. (Or atleast that’s why we think there were than many google searches for me… if not, I have a lot of stalkers to worry about.) [...]
December 16th, 2006 at 9:46 am
If you own Gears of War and are looking for people who dont bash anyone my gamertag is dvent360. My friend and any of his 13 co-workers usually have a game going every night. Later, DV
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December 17th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
Well,
I am not sure what 360 games you play, but if you are looking to game, look me up ArchDjinn
We game alot so see you on-line!
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December 28th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
Pardon my ignorance about Xbox 360.
I take it you can play on your own or online with others. Does it have a built in video cam too?
ps- Based on that one pic I don’t think she’s ugly at all. Can’t see much of her face but not at all unattractive. Her feet look a bit wierd, but that’s my issue.
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